2023/03/30
Todays Thought
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it.2023/03/29
Todays Thought
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy is to function in some way as a safety release then it must obviously deal with these taboo areas. This is part of the responsibility we accord our licensed jesters, that nothing be excused the searching light of comedy. If anything can survive the probe of humour it is clearly of value, and conversely all groups who claim immunity from laughter are claiming special privileges which should not be granted.2023/03/27
Todays Thought
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
If you view religion as necessary for ethics, you've reduced us to the ethical level of four-year-olds. "If you follow these commandments you'll go to heaven, if you don't you'll burn in hell" is just a spectacular version of the carrots and sticks with which you raise your children.2023/03/26
Todays Thought
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
When two opposite points of view are expressed with equal intensity, the truth does not necessarily lie exactly halfway between them. It is possible for one side to be simply wrong.2023/03/24
35 Phrases To Disarm a Narcissist and Why They Do the Trick, According to Therapists
35 Phrases To Disarm a Narcissist and Why They Do the Trick, According to Therapists
If you’ve determined that you are indeed dealing with a narcissist in your life, it’s time to be ready with an arsenal of helpful and self-esteem-building phrases that can disarm a narcissist and create clear boundaries. According to Scigliano, all of the following phrases can be interchanged easily in a wide variety of situations with a narcissist.
1. “I need you to listen to me.”
This is a basic need you should have met during any conversation, even one with a narcissist. Since narcissists “tend to have little to no empathy for fellow humans,” as Mahler puts it, the narcissist likely won’t be turning a listening ear your way and could use some reminding.
2. “Please stop interrupting me.”
Scigliano says that trying to have a rational conversation with a narcissist or reasoning with them is unrealistic, so you can wholeheartedly expect interruptions throughout your conversation. You’ll need to ask them to stop interrupting you.
3. “I am not comfortable with how you’re speaking to me.”
While a narcissist will say demeaning things to you, it’s also all about how they’re delivering those words. If they raise their voice and start having an angry tone, you can say that you’re not comfortable with how they’re speaking to you.
4. “I need you to not yell.”
For this phrase, Scigliano says that you want to keep in mind that your goal needs to be de-escalating the narcissist rather than risking the narcissist becoming further enraged. Although it may be impossible, try to get the narcissist to calm down and lower their voice.
5. “I am on your side.”
This phrase edges toward kindness, but if you really are on the narcissist’s side and genuinely want good things for them, say it. At the very least, a hint of kindness will catch the narcissist off-guard.
6. “I need you to stop.”
When attempting to communicate with a narcissist, it’s best to keep phrases short and to the point. Scigliano says that instead of being more open, you need to be more emotionally closed off from the narcissist. “Instead of sharing their feelings, they need to focus only on objective facts,” she says. One of these objective phrases that may put an end to a heated conversation is, “I need you to stop.”
7. “If you don’t stop, I’m going to walk away.”
And do just that. Scigliano says that ultimately, establishing boundaries and sticking to them is the most effective way to handle confrontations in the moment as well as avoid future ones.
8. “We can talk again when you can speak kindly to me.”
Since narcissism can cause a great deal of dysfunction in relationships, kindness may not something you come across very often. But you can remind the person to find it in themselves to speak kindly to you, especially if you’re a spouse or close friend.
9. “No.”
It’s as simple as that. “No” is a complete sentence, and it can immediately establish a clear boundary. It doesn’t go into detail. It doesn’t open you up for additional critical words. It’s the opposite of being vulnerable.
“Avoid making yourself emotionally vulnerable, because the narcissist will often take advantage of your vulnerability, now or sometime in the future,” Scigliano says.
10. “I hear what you’re saying.”
In a debate with a narcissist, all you have to do is acknowledge that you can hear their words. You don’t have to go out of your way to agree with them by any means.
11. “What is it you want me to know?”
This phrase can encourage some clear communication from the narcissist instead of shrouding it in insults and mean comments.
12. “What is it you want to hear from me?”
Again, this is a phrase that centers on communicating succinctly and clearly.
13. “You’re right.”
Before you gasp at this one, Scigliano says that you can say this without meaning that it’s true. If you say it calmly and evenly, it will absolutely disarm a narcissist, and they just might not know how to reply.
14. “What is really bothering you?”
Since narcissists go around with a viewpoint of “the world owes me,” as Mahler puts it, narcissists can often feel agitated and disgruntled with how they’re treated. Calmly, and genuinely, ask the person what is bothering them, and you may get to the bottom of things.
15. “I don’t deserve to be spoken to this way.”
This phrase is another one that establishes a defined boundary.
Related: 35 Common Gaslighting Phrases in Relationships and How To Respond, According to Therapists
16. “I am not able to discuss this right now.”
This phrase will quickly put an end to an unpleasant conversation, and it will mean even more if you walk away immediately after saying it. Additionally, Mahler says that it’s key to use “I” statements as often as possible, which will be viewed as assertive and prioritizing your own needs.
17. “I have explained my point of view, and I am no longer willing to continue this conversation.”
If you feel you have said your peace and gotten out every word you wanted to say, put an end to the conversation with this phrase.
18. “I will be removing myself from this conversation if this discussion starts to lack civility.”
This is an effective phrase to use if you see the conversation starting to go off the rails. If the narcissist begins raising their voice or using unkind language, break out this phrase and they may rethink what they’re saying.
19. “This is what I am discussing and I will not be discussing anything else.”
Cool. Calm. Straightforward. Getting emotional is the quickest way to make the narcissist feel as if they have the upper hand. Say this phrase and simply stick to the facts.
20. “I have five minutes to discuss this, and after that, I will be ending this conversation.”
Since narcissists continually seek validation from their external environment, they may try to drag out a heated debate longer than they need to just for the enjoyment of feeling superior. Put a hard stop to this by timing the conversation. You can even set a timer on your phone and walk away as soon as five minutes are up.
21. “I know how I feel.”
The narcissist will try to gaslight you into thinking that your thoughts and emotions aren’t valid. Instead, back up your side of the argument by saying, “I know how I feel.”
22. “People misunderstanding my boundaries is not my responsibility.”
Mahler says that a person with NPD may purposefully break boundaries to gain a sense of power over another person. Don’t allow them to do this. It’s not your fault that the narcissist misunderstands or even disrespects your boundaries, and you can remind them of that.
23. “I am okay with people misunderstanding me.”
The narcissist is trying to get a rise out of you. Instead, you can shrug your shoulders and plainly say, “I am okay with people misunderstanding me.” Let them know that you’re good with who you are and don’t put stock in others’ opinions, especially if they’re coming from a narcissist.
24. “I am convicted in my truth about the situation.”
Stick to your guns and stand by everything you’ve said during the conversation.
25. “I am aware that we don’t share the same opinion.”
Not everyone has to share the same opinion, but this is a hard truth for a narcissist to swallow. Since they have low self-worth and derive their sense of value from external sources, as Mahler says, they want everyone to think the same things as them. Remind the person that there’s no reason for you both to have to share the same opinion.
26. “I will not entertain this conversation.”
Scigliano says that narcissists will use tactics that enable them to push away anyone they perceive as a threat, and this threat can come out as nasty comments during an exchange. Let them know that they won’t have this power over you and say, “I will not entertain this conversation.”
27. “I know what happened. You are allowed to have a different understanding of the event.”
Again, you may not both agree, and that’s fine.
28. “Okay.”
Mahler calls this approach the “Grey Rock Method,” which is not giving an emotional response at all or giving them as little a response as possible. Every time they say something, you could just say, “Okay.” They won’t know how to respond because they want to see you react.
29. “Hmm.”
Even just a sound or grunt under your breath is enough to disarm a narcissist, particularly since you’re not giving them a leg to stand on with a bunch of emotional words.
30. “Uh-huh.”
Sound disinterested even. During a heated conversation, you could interject an “uh-huh” here and there to appear as if you have better things to do, which will get under a narcissist’s skin.
31. “I can’t control how you feel about me.”
You can’t control others. You can only control yourself. This phrase reminds the narcissist of this universal truth, and you can remind yourself in the process.
32. “You are certainly entitled to your opinion.”
Mahler says that blame-shifting and deflection behaviors are rampant during confrontations with a narcissist, so remind the person that they can have their opinion, no matter how poorly it’s delivered.
33. “I am sorry you feel that way.”
Note: you are not apologizing for anything you’ve done, because you’ve done nothing wrong. You can say, “I am sorry you feel that way,” and walk away. The narcissist may even feel a pang of guilt after you say this.
34. “Thank you for your input.”
This is an emotion-free statement that doesn’t uphold anything the narcissist has said.
35. Say nothing at all.
Scigliano says, “From a safety perspective, consider the level of abuse that the narcissist is capable of inflicting. If they have ever indicated a propensity toward violence, you need to be extremely careful with what you say, and sometimes, saying nothing is safest.”
2023/03/23
Todays Thought
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
Understanding a person does not mean condoning; it only means that one does not accuse him as if one were God or a judge placed above him.Moderna CEO brazenly defends 400% COVID shot price hike, downplays NIH’s role
Moderna CEO brazenly defends 400% COVID shot price hike, downplays NIH’s role
"This vaccine would not exist without NIH's partnership and expertise, and the substantial investment of the taxpayers of this country," Sanders summarized. "And here is the thank you that the taxpayers of this country received from Moderna for that huge investment: They are thanking the taxpayers of the United States by proposing to quadruple the price of the COVID vaccine."
2023/03/22
Todays Thought
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
There is far too much law for those who can afford it and far too little for those who cannot.2023/03/21
Todays Thought
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
Because the heart beats under a covering of hair, of fur, feathers, or wings, it is, for that reason, to be of no account?2023/03/20
Interim Updates Instead of Remodeling
2023/03/18
Todays Thought
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
It’s best to give while your hand is still warm.2023/03/17
2023/03/15
2023/03/14
Conspicuous (non) consumption
One way to show status is by demonstrating how many resources you have. A bespoke suit, a huge graduation party, a fancy building… A bully who physically intimidates or an angry driver who cuts you off in traffic are each working to show their status and strength.
But it’s also possible to demonstrate security and confidence by doing precisely the opposite. The billionaire in a t-shirt. The person who holds the door open and lets you go first in line… these are also demonstrations of status.
The interesting question isn’t whether someone has status. It’s whether they’re gutsy enough to demonstrate it by making things better for others.
The first wiring map of an insect's brain hints at incredible complexity
The first wiring map of an insect's brain hints at incredible complexity
'The fruit fly larva connectome is an important advance because it's "closer in many regards to a human brain than the other ones," says Joshua Vogelstein, an author of the study and an associate professor of biomedical engineering at Johns Hopkins University.'
Todays Thought
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
Hail to the man who went through life always helping others, knowing no fear, and to whom aggressiveness and resentment are alien.2023/03/09
Todays Thought
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
What has occurred over the course of the last few centuries is a growing (but by no means universal or certain) recognition that science gets the job done, while religion makes excuses. Sometimes they are very pretty excuses that capture the imagination of the public, but ultimately, when you want to win a war or heal a dying child or get rich from a discovery or explore Antarctica, you turn to science and reason, or you fail.2023/03/08
Todays Thought
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
Death tugs at my ear and says, "Live, I am coming."2023/03/06
Todays Word: Gish gallop
The Gish gallop /ˈɡɪʃ ˈɡæləp/ is a rhetorical technique in which a person in a debate attempts to overwhelm their opponent by providing an excessive number of arguments with no regard for the accuracy or strength of those arguments. In essence, it is prioritizing quantity of one's arguments at the expense of quality of said arguments. The term was coined in 1994 by anthropologist Eugenie Scott, who named it after American creationist Duane Gish and argued that Gish used the technique frequently when challenging the scientific fact of evolution.[1][2] It is similar to another debating method called spreading, in which one person speaks extremely fast in an attempt to cause their opponent to fail to respond to all the arguments that have been raised.
During a Gish gallop, a debater confronts an opponent with a rapid series of many specious arguments, half-truths, misrepresentations, and outright lies in a short space of time, which makes it impossible for the opponent to refute all of them within the format of a formal debate.[3][4] Each point raised by the Gish galloper takes considerably more time to refute or fact-check than it did to state in the first place, which is known online as Brandolini's law.[5] The technique wastes an opponent's time and may cast doubt on the opponent's debating ability for an audience unfamiliar with the technique, especially if no independent fact-checking is involved or if the audience has limited knowledge of the topics.[6]
Generally, it is more difficult to use the Gish gallop in a structured debate than a free-form one.[7] If a debater is familiar with an opponent who is known to use the Gish gallop, the technique may be countered by pre-empting and refuting the opponent's commonly used arguments before the opponent has an opportunity to launch into a Gish gallop.[8] Another technique is to single out their weakest claim or argument, then highlight and mock it.[9]
2023/03/05
Todays Thought
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
Scratch a pessimist and you find often a defender of privilege.2023/03/03
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Arizona's huge new dark sky observatory: See the construction progress Renderings & Floorplan The 22,000 square-foot IDSDC will ac...
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The Corpses of the De Witt Brothers The Corpses of the De Witt Brothers is a c. 1672–75 oil on canvas painting by the Dutch Golden Age...
